So those of you who “follow” or know a little about me, know that I suffer from pretty severe anxiety for a series of issues. There are 3 or 4 issues in particular, most of which have been extremely heightened by the increase in popularity of my YouTube channel.
The way I handle things is by being direct. I don’t like festering/thinking about things for too long, so instead of worrying/dealing with things, I’m instead going to just run full disclosure and get it all out.
This will be a multi-part “story” of my anxieties, and your response is welcomed, because it’s the reaction of *you guys and girls* that is my main trigger. The thing I’m mostly worried about is how you will take certain things, how things will be perceived, about different areas of my life, so your response interests me greatly.
Part 1! Here we go!
Lyndon, my cat.
I am heavily anxious about Lyndon, my cat. Lyndon is my best friend, even though he’s a cat. He used to be an outside cat, but he got in a fight and I started to super worry about him getting seriously injured or dying.
This is something I’ve always been worried about. For years now, whenever he went outside, I’ve always said the words “Be safe” to him out loud; I know he can’t understand them, but I say the words as an “I told you so”, so that if he ever did die, he’d know my intentions were good, if that makes any sense.
When I started making vids for the YOGSCAST, I wanted to keep Lyndon out of any limelight, which is next to impossible as my interaction with him is almost an extension of myself.
Why did I want to do this? It’s simple, but it’s rather grim.
If he ever died, I would not only have to deal with my own massive massive sadness, but also the grief of the fandom (you guys and girls). People might tweet me, “How’s Lyndon doing?” Oh, he’s dead. “Oh hey check this Lyndon fanart”, oh… he’s dead… I’m sorry…
And so it would continue being a scab that people would never let heal. Not on purpose, but just out of ignorance/not knowing.
So, how does this get resolved. I guess it kind of can’t? I just want you guys and girls to know that one day, Lyndon will die. Probably before you, and probably before me. The act will hurt me dearly, but I will hopefully move on and care for another lovely cat, and give them the same life I have, and will continue, to provide to Lyndon.
This doesn’t mean I don’t want you to love and reference and talk about my kitty, that’d be just skirting around the issue. I just want you to know that when/if (hey, immortality might be invented) he dies, don’t get too emotional, because I’ll feel it doubly.
He’s about 6-8 years old now, and shows no sign of illness, perfectly normal cat so don’t be too worried, if anything he’s a little bored/sadder since I stopped letting him go outside.
But I couldn’t handle the thought of something bad happening to him, and something killing him, or me never knowing where he is if he just didn’t come home one night. “Where’s Lyndon?” people would ask, and all I would be able to do is cry and say “I don’t know”. What a horrible thought.
So, that is my first anxietial trigger (not a real term, but one I may refer back to). It means “thing which triggers my anxiety”. The next post will be coming soon, again, I don’t like to dwell, and this will possibly be a 1-5 parter, but will cover everything which makes me feel like a sad chap sometimes.
Looking forward to hearing what you have to say about The Lyndon Situation :)